19 May 2017

Reflections on Life ….


Ok, may I broadcast a little romantic message out to the Universe from SeagerTowers.


Please Universe, no more broken men seeking mending (it’s not my job); no more men whose ego wants building up (it’s not my job); no more men who are broken and emotionally unavailable (it’s not my job) and definitely, no more men who utter the immortal words ‘my ex wife didn’t understand me’ (it’s SO very much, not my job).


In short, narcissists, addicts and psychopaths, I no longer have the unhealthy need to save you. I take full responsibility for my past choices, no blame is being apportioned, but from now on, even though I feel your pain …it’s not my job to mend you.


Because finally (sighs with relief),  I see that it’s not my job to weaken myself in order that someone else may feel stronger.


That’s not love, that’s dysfunctional codependency.


I know I’m not alone. So many of us, women and men, with self worth issues born from trauma  develop this fear based, people pleasing habit. Often our childhood survival has depended on honing this very quality. It births a belief that we carry forward into our adult lives, that we need to keep doing things for people in order to ‘buy’ their love. If we don’t, we will be abandoned or punished, and face exclusion from the safety of the community.


In short, we will be outcast, alone and vulnerable.


It is pure survival.


But there comes a time, eventually, when we release that we all deserve to be loved for who we are, not what we can do for another person.


True love is wanting to give freely, without expectation, without fear.




That took half a century and a lot of heartbreak  but I’ve made it, at last.
The darkest pain births the brightest of lights.


And, it’s true isn’t it, life is just a reflection of your thoughts. I’m lucky in that each morning the waves help to wash my unhealthy reflections away and replace them with a more illuminated mirror.


We’re all just work in progress after all.


So here’s to new beginnings, a good dose of self love and fabulously healthy relationships.


And good choices, eh?


We all deserve them, why ever would you think you didn’t?


And whenever you may waiver from that knowing, the Ocean waves are always here to remind you….if only you take the time to listen …