In short, narcissists, addicts and psychopaths, I no longer have the unhealthy need to save you. I take full responsibility for my past choices, no blame is being apportioned, but from now on, even though I feel your pain …it’s not my job to mend you.
Because finally (sighs with relief), I see that it’s not my job to weaken myself in order that someone else may feel stronger.
That’s not love, that’s dysfunctional codependency.
I know I’m not alone. So many of us, women and men, with self worth issues born from trauma develop this fear based, people pleasing habit. Often our childhood survival has depended on honing this very quality. It births a belief that we carry forward into our adult lives, that we need to keep doing things for people in order to ‘buy’ their love. If we don’t, we will be abandoned or punished, and face exclusion from the safety of the community.
In short, we will be outcast, alone and vulnerable.
It is pure survival.
But there comes a time, eventually, when we release that we all deserve to be loved for who we are, not what we can do for another person.
True love is wanting to give freely, without expectation, without fear.